The Call to Stop Betraying My Biology

Hello, tender friends!

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I’m still saying less, but it hasn’t become automatic yet. I continue to slip up. Anthony says, “We aim for progress, not perfection.”

Friends (IRL) have asked why I think God called me to say less. There are multiple reasons, but here’s one: I’ve stopped betraying my biology (or rather, I’m in the process of cutting back on this).

Remember when Jesus said to let your yeses be yes and your nos be no in Mathew 5:37?

I betrayed myself a lot to keep peace growing up. Families tend to cater to the most dysfunctional member. My family was no different.

I said things to placate people even though I knew those things weren’t true. I knew what happened if I dared to be honest. I was obsessed with keeping people comfortable.

“Are you upset, Stacey?”

“No.” Like a little puppet, I played the part. My “no” was actually a “yes.” I didn’t know that I was driving myself farther away from God by betraying myself.

Or, screamed in indignation, “What could you possibly have to be upset about?”

I then offered convoluted explanations of the things I enjoyed about life. I was expected to be grateful so I pretended to be grateful. I told people they were great even as I shriveled inside.

I danced around other people’s discomfort as the strings chafed me head to toe.

Even as an adult, I’ve said things “aren’t a big deal” when they actually were. Even as an adult, I’ve crumpled when people show any negative emotion, desperate to say something to help them feel better when it wasn’t my responsibility and the Lord had revealed that I was justified in being hurt by their transgression.

I’m learning to say less and let the silence be awkward.

One by one, I’m cutting the strings.

One by one, I’m breaking generational curses so this kid doesn’t have to.

Ok, that’s all for today, tender friends! Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for sharing!

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