The Green-Eyed Monster

Hello, tender friends!

We went to a birthday party this past weekend and had fun despite the cold and intense wind whipping our faces. These three kids (Cubby’s in the middle) ran from one end of the bouncy house to the other for a few solid hours.

Childhood is amazing, isn’t it? Sometimes I wonder if I could return to focusing on fun so intently that the cold is irrelevant.

I noticed Jacob trying to keep up with the other boys, Judah and Arlo, a few times throughout the day. Judah and Arlo live near each other and their moms have been friends for a while. The other two boys consequently see each other a lot more often.

Unfortunately, Jacob notices these things. He has for a while, but as we got into bed that evening, what he said broke my heart:

“Mommy, I love Judah and Arlo. But they love each other more than they love me. I wish I could be Judah so Arlo would love me more. I don’t have any good friends, Mommy.”

Cue the waterworks of motherhood.

This happens a lot. In almost every social situation, Jacob is around kids who see each other a lot more often and have a closer relationship.

I froze for a moment. There was no use denying it; it was obvious to me just as it was to him. Jacob is friends with both the boys and sees them at preschool and church, but it was obvious that they preferred each other’s company to Jacob’s.

I told Jacob that the feeling that made him want to be Judah, that feeling that he had watching Judah and Arlo interact and trying to tag along, is called jealousy. I explained that I understand that it can be painful when you want to have a closer friendship with people who don’t want to have a closer friendship with you. I reassured him that Anthony and I love him unconditionally and that God loves him unconditionally. I didn’t know what else to say.

I wrapped him up like a burrito until he fell asleep. Then I went out to the living room, told Anthony what happened and started crying.

I understand that kids have to be able to handle being left out a little bit sometimes, that protecting them from everything isn’t useful.

But it’s hard to watch. It’s so hard to watch a kid who doesn’t have siblings or cousins crave community. I also feel guilty, wondering if Anthony and I inadvertently encouraged this awareness by asking him, “Who’s your best friend?” in years past, before the dynamics of friendships became more complicated.

So we’re praying as we have been. We’ve been praying for years that the Lord would help us to find a neighborhood with young kids so that Jacob can play with other kids more often without us driving all over town.

I remind myself that God promises to use all things for good, including even the things that crush my mother’s heart.

But it still hurts.

Anyhow, if you have any advice, I’m all ears. I’m not sure if there’s anything I could have said or done differently to ease Jacob’s pain.

That’s all for today, tender friends. Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for sharing!

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