All the Preschool Feelings

Hello, tender friends! I hope you’re drier than we are here in Southwest Virginia.

The rain that hit us from Hurricane Helene tapered off yesterday but hasn’t stopped.

It was still raining yesterday when we walked into church and it’s still raining now.

Maybe it was all the rain last week that made Jacob starting preschool on Tuesday so hard on me.

This is what I had been looking forward to for so long, right? I prayed and prayed that God would show me if we were making the right decision because I knew how desperate Jacob was to have more time to play with other kids.

And to be honest, part of me was really looking forward to having a few hours alone during the week to do work.

But the idea of my Boo Boo being somewhere where I don’t know anyone, having experiences with new friends, navigating situations I can’t mediate, has been harder on me than I anticipated.

As I dropped Cubby off, I tried to give him one last hug and kiss but ended up kissing the back of his head. He could see that some kids were already inside the preschool and was more interested in seeing what they were doing than saying goodbye to me.

Emptiness engulfed me as the door closed behind him. I went back to my car and thought This is what you’ve been waiting for? You wanted to get more work done and now your little Boo Boo is out there facing the world… alone.

I pulled it together and did get work done at a good pace. The truth is that I was way more productive than I have been since Jacob was born.

But I felt like I missed so much. When I picked him up, these are the stories he told me:

“I have a new friend named Arlo. Mommy, does Arlo start with the letter”R?”‘

“Mommy, Arlo is my new friend. We built block towers together. But then he knocked his block tower down. The teacher said, ‘No, Arlo, we don’t knock the towers down.’ So I didn’t knock mine down.’” (Insert mom pride here).

“Mommy, my other new friend is Jane. We sat next to each other while we were singing a song about candy. I told her that I don’t think it’s a very good song that we shouldn’t be singing about candy. She agreed and said she doesn’t think it’s a very good song either.” (Insert more mom pride here. The kid is so aware that white sugar is bad he doesn’t even want to sing about it).

When we got back to the house, I started crying, overwhelmed by this premature empty nest feeling. Because it’s all going so fast. Because I know my days of being the center of his world are numbered. Because the older he gets, the less I can protect him. Cubby hugged me and asked why I was crying.

“Because I want you to stay small forever!” I said through ugly, streaming-down-your-face tears that mean you have to blow your nose urgently.

He just laughed. With his little imp grin, he asked, “You want me to stay small forever?”

“Yes!”

He laughed again. “Mommy, I get bigger every day.”

I know, kid. I know. 😭😭😭

Thank you for sharing!

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