What Happened When I Asked Myself If I Looked Okay

Hello tender friends!

There’s nothing too special about this outfit that I wore last week. (Don’t mind Cubby’s pose… he’s going through a phase.)

It’s pretty standard, and I’ve posted a picture in which I’m wearing the same Loft skirt before. The shirt is from Old Navy and I made the necklace on one of my crafting adventures. Nothing high-end to see here. You could buy an equivalent outfit at a local mall anytime you want.

But I’ve been on this kick of finding internal validation instead of searching for it externally for a while now. And that has made all the difference.

It started a few months ago when my friend’s daughter became visibly upset when no one was complimenting her outfit. “Mom, no one is telling me they like my clothes!” this 5-year old lamented.

I give my friend credit because she was quick enough to respond, “But do you like it?” What a brilliant redirection!

It got me thinking about how I want to teach Jacob to seek internal validation instead of external validation. But the fact that he often hears me ask Anthony if something looks okay undermines what I’m trying to teach him because kids mimic behavior rather than obey empty words.

I wore the outfit in the photo above to a local University symposium this past week and a meeting of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. I never bothered to ask Anthony if it looked okay. Instead, when I was dressed I paused and asked myself, “Do I like how I look?”

The answer came back “Yes, I do.” This is despite the fact that I spend a fraction on clothes compared to what I used to before having Jacob and despite the fact that clothes fit differently as I get older.

I made the decision to determine for myself whether or not I like how I look. (And I certainly would have selected a different outfit if that hadn’t been the case).

When I went out that evening and met three faculty members of the university and six fellow writers, I had a BLAST. I wasn’t trying to pull down any part of my outfit to cover anything up. I had already resolved that I liked how I looked.

I could consequently engage with everyone else and learn about their upcoming projects and publications with a complete lack of self-consciousness. I was far more present than I normally am and relished hearing about other people’s creative successes.

All because I took one mindful moment that lasted about 10 seconds.

Oh, and the icing on the cake? Anthony rarely uses effusive language when he talks to me, but when I was done getting ready he actually said, “You’re such a beautiful treasure.” I explained to him that he was responding not to my physical appearance but to my inner confidence as he has seen me where similar outfits dozens of times before without comment.

Okay, that’s all for today, tender friends! Cheers to seeking internal validation rather than external validation from here on out.

Thank you for stopping by today, and thank you for sharing!

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