Why I’m Embracing Rage

Hello, tender friends!

For most of my life, I’ve sublimated anger, ashamed of it. I sublimated it so successfully that it wasn’t until I was 20-something that I acknowledged it.

I felt like I was observing an alien that day. “I’m so angry,” I choked out, surprising myself. I had no idea how violently the storm raged within me until that moment.

As a teenager, I’d played sports to the point of exhaustion. My coaches praised me because they thought I was working hard, which I was. But I was also trying to expel feelings that I didn’t know what to do with. I just didn’t understand it.

As a mother, I think about this a lot. Like most mothers, I’m aware of how important naming your emotions is and spend a lot of time teaching that explicitly to Cub.

If you’ve ever raised a kid you know that their rage can be downright amusing and laugh most of it off. One day though, I snapped on him instead of supporting him. I immediately felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit because the truth is that what he was doing was harmless.

I thought about Ephesians 4:26.

Which got me thinking… As Christians we try not to be openly wrathful. We try to keep our emotions as elevated as possible and have peaceful relationships with other people.

But how can we expel rage? What do we do with rage if we’re trying to get it out of our system before sundown?

Then this horrifying zinger of conviction came to me: You’re not actually supporting your husband when he expresses anger. All you’re doing is judging him.

That was a Zinger, capital “Z” Zinger, my friends.

It’s true. It’s unhealthy, but I spent so much of my life sublimating rage that I inadvertently developed that expectation for my own husband.

So we’re getting somatic at our house. Breathing and stretching together (this has been momentarily cut short for Anthony because he has an injured knee). I’ve been teaching Cub to tear up papers and squeeze towels to express his rage. And I’m very intentionally trying to ask Anthony what the message behind his rage is instead of responding in kind.

Because it’s healthy and natural and I don’t want to shame them for it. I always tell Cub to pay attention to his feelings because that’s one of the ways that God tells us when something is wrong.

Think about what would be different in your own life if you spoke up instead of staying silent when you felt like something was wrong. So many times I would have run in the opposite direction.

Ok, that’s all for today, tender friends! I may be posting just once a week for a while as I get caught up on some work.

Thank you for stopping, and thank you for sharing!

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