Pondering My Life Review With Jesus

Hello, tender friends!

First, let me say that we are loving the Christmas decorations that we’ve been enjoying around the neighborhood and at church.

(Yes, I know that celebrating Christmas in December is actually rooted in paganism and doesn’t have anything to do with the birthday of Jesus, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying the beauty of all the lights. Also, our outfits are kind of springy because we had some seasonably balmy days).

Ok, so let’s jump into the heavy stuff. I’m a pragmatist and always have been. As such, I’ve always been concerned with the end of my life. I can’t think of anything more important than ensuring where I’ll be spending eternity.

I try not to think of it often because it scares me no matter how confident I feel about Jesus’s sacrifice. I have asked over and over again for God to do something like part the skies and assure me that I’m on the right path or direct me elsewhere if I’m not.

I sometimes feel the fear of death creep in when I’m not busy. One of the most comforting things I’ve ever heard was a mentor of mine who admitted he’s also always been afraid of dying but believes that God will give him the grace for it when the time comes. I felt so much less alone in that moment.

I’ve read a few books about near-death experiences and most recently finished John Burke’s “Imagine the God of Heaven.” The idea of a Life review came up in many people’s accounts of their near-death experience.

This is basically where God shows you everything you did, both good and bad, including the things you’ve forgotten about, and their effect on the people involved and the rest of the world.

This makes me wonder: what will show up in my life review with Jesus?

The movie “The Butterfly Effect” was obviously a Hollywood movie designed for entertainment that took tremendous liberties with the concept, but the idea that small actions can change the world in dramatic ways is actually scientific. You can find some cool videos of physics experiments that demonstrate this concept in chaos theory if you’re interested.

I’ve always been afraid of my life review, because some part of me intuitively believed that God was keeping track of everything even before I started reading books about near-death experiences. Anthony and I have discussed it, and he’s sort of resigned to the fact that his years of drug addiction had negative effects on people around him that he can’t fathom and won’t understand until he meets God.

I have prayed over and over again that God would intercede and right wrongs that I know I have committed in the past. I constantly pray over Cub that when I lose my temper it would not have lasting effects on him, and that God would guide me in being neither too hard nor too soft as a mom.

Moving forward, this makes me think more seriously about finding opportunities for little acts of service when possible. Reading about this more deeply has got me thinking about the possibility that even small acts of kindness really can change the world. I’m trying to focus more on that than my fears of the negative things that will show up in my life review.

Okay, that’s all for today, tender friends! Thank you for stopping by, and thank you to the new friends!

Thank you for sharing!

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