God Uses Self-Compassion to Heal Old Wounds

Hello tender friends!

(Here we are again, real people. A not terribly common picture of me and my beloved).

The Lord has been using what I’ve learned about self-compassion to take me back in time. He’s taken me back in time to a few different things, and one of the most socially acceptable to write about is when my grandmother died in 2008.

15 years later, I’ve written this as a belated tribute:

In her youth, my grandmother wore exquisite satin dresses draped over a waist so thin she could tie a dish towel around it. Even as she lay in her hospital bed unable to speak, I couldn’t help but notice how great her skin looked at 82.

She smoked for 50 years but barely had a wrinkle. The ones she did have fanned out like tributaries, as fine and delicate as the waist of her youth.

The fact that she didn’t go easily was unsurprising. She’d been strong-willed her whole life, a quality that ultimately preserved her. She demanded to keep living 18 years even after burying both her son and her husband.

Watching her taught me not to cower when life gets brutal.

There’s something admirable about remaining true to yourself even when muted by a stroke and dependent on strangers to keep you alive. Everyday, for months and months, her eyes said You thought I’d be gone by now. I’ll go when I’m ready.

What is the point of this limbo between life and death? I repeatedly asked God. He never answered, or never answered in a way that I recognized.

10 months later she died fully herself, or as fully herself as possible under the circumstances.

The low sun shoots its last golden embers of the season onto my front lawn. The peonies and gladiolas lay on the ground, their season ended.

I remember my grandmother as a fallen bloom, but a bloom nonetheless.

Ok, that’s it for today! Thank you for reading along. If I may make a suggestion, I found it very useful to create a Venn diagram to process grief. The left circle is for writing about who you were before the triggering event and the right side is for writing about who you were afterwards. I did this for my grandmother’s death and multiple other events.

Thursday’s post will be about Cub’s favorite breakfast. Next Monday’s post will be about Cub’s birthday party.

Thank you for stopping by and have a great day!

Thank you for sharing!

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  1. ladysheepdog

    There’s an old couple that lives across the street from me and another old lady that lives up the street, both ladies still drive. They were old when we bought this house twenty years ago. That generation, my goodness, many strong as horses and live so long. My own mother is 87. Still drives. She’s cut back on the yard work lately and takes naps now, but still…..shoot, I take naps…..

    Good post, I’m sure you miss your grandmother. Cute couple you and hubby !

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Stacey

      That’s wonderful about your mother, Susan! Even if she’s cut back on the yard work, that’s probably what’s keeping her going even if it’s only a little bit!

      Thank you for your kind words. Anthony really doesn’t like taking pictures, but maybe he’s coming around!

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  2. Debi Walter

    When my Mom died in 2012 it was only 3 weeks from diagnosis to death. But those three weeks were filled with great conversations that I cherish to this day.
    I said goodbye to her twice because she rallied when we thought for sure it was the end. I struggled with the why of it all. A godly friend said something that helped me so much. She said that God ordains our final breath and until that time comes He is still working out our sanctification so we are complete in Him. This gave me such peace at a time I needed it. I hope this helps. My Mom was 90 years and drove until she was bedridden. She was a strong woman that I love, respect and miss greatly.

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    1. Stacey

      Wow, Debi, thank you for sharing. Three weeks seems so fast, but I love that you had cherished conversations.

      I have had the same thought about working things through with God when she was unable to talk. I have also always wondered if she saw spiritual things at that time that we couldn’t see- it was such a strange thing to see her with one foot in each world.

      That’s wonderful that your mom drove until she was bedridden. I hope to be highly active right up until the end like that! It’d be wonderful to be able to work on things that are meaningful and productive into old age.

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  3. EChumly

    Remembering our loved ones means they will never die. Lovely insightful post.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Stacey

      Thank you for your kind words!

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  4. Awakening Wonders

    Thanks for sharing a heartfelt tribute to your dear grandmother, she lives on through you and future generations.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Stacey

      Thank you for your kind words, Mary! She sure would have loved our little Cub. ❤️

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      1. Awakening Wonders

        Oh so much!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Janice Reid

    Beautiful tribute to your Grandma❤️.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Stacey

      Thank you, Janice!

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