A Year Long Fast?

Hello tender friends!

I got that feeling in the middle of the night. That “maybe this is God but I’m not sure” one. I thought God wanted me to fast from baker’s chocolate and black tea. What a doozy it was as I continued praying and discovered that He meant for a year.

A year? But, but, but..

Naturally, I asked again the next day. I figured my phone line to God isn’t always the clearest in the middle of the night.

Turns out that’s what He meant. I didn’t hear his voice or anything, but when I said that I would do it, I felt His presence clearly and started crying.

I won’t be giving up all tea, just the caffeinated kind. I can’t lie – I lived a really long time (2 years) without baker’s chocolate or caffeinated tea while I was healing. When I realized my adrenals were better, black tea was the thing that I missed most and my first indulgence.

Black tea also has a bit of a ritual element to it for me. Once I was healed enough to begin drinking it again, that became my go to act as soon as Cub went down for a nap. I made a cup of tea and sat down for 5 minutes at this desk, drinking it up along with the silence.

But alas, Cub no longer naps, and this seems to be what God wants right now. Maybe he’s saving me from heavy metals, as both black tea and baker’s chocolate can contain them. Maybe he’s saving me from hurting my adrenals even though they feel fine right now. Maybe he’s just seeing where my heart is at.

Truly, although I ponder these things, I don’t really need to know. I don’t really need to know what God has planned, probably for one of the first times in my life.

I’m finishing up the black tea that I have in the cabinet before beginning the fast. And yes, I realize the irony of fasting from black tea when the name of this log is teaandtenderness.

Fortunately, we still have a bit of chamomile and mint from our garden left. I’ve also started experimenting with making tea from rosemary and time and other herbs that don’t contain caffeine. They’re not totally satisfactory, but I’ll make it work.

After I realized he did mean to fast from both the baker’s chocolate and the tea for a year, I was afraid to ask if there was anything else. But I did. I closed my eyes shut and stuck my fingers in my ears and said, “Okay God just tell me if you want me to give anything else up for a year.”

Just kidding. But that’s what it felt like. I was relieved when he didn’t say to give up anything else, because I was really getting nervous for a minute that he’d asked me to give up cheese.

My cheese is safe…for now. PHEW. Because this is me.

(Actual footage of me biting into some sharp Swiss).

Ok, tender friends, that’s all for today. Thank you for stopping by, and thank you to the new friends!

On Monday, I’ll be sharing a post on self-compassion that has been on my heart for a while.

Thank you for sharing!

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