Bridal Shower Bliss+Real Talk

Hello tender friends!

We had a great time at my friend Grayson’s bridal shower this weekend! Good food, good friends, and good wishes for the future.

(I’m on the far right in the green floral dress).

Every time we attend a wedding, Anthony and I take off our rings during the ceremony and slip them back onto each other’s fingers at the same time that the officiant instructs the brand new bride and groom to do the same. We smile at each other, remembering our own newlywed days. Then we pucker up when he says, “You may now kiss the bride.”

SMOOCH. Insert lip smacking sound.

We’re not dorks, I promise.

We just revel in that special feeling, the absolute miracle that God knows us so well that he chooses the right spouse for us. (I’m not trying to be theological here and understand there are many people who say that God doesn’t actually choose your spouse, but in our case he did in a very obvious way). He chose the man I wouldn’t have chosen for myself, and I have another 60 years to keep thanking him for it.

Of course, there was a time in our marriage that I didn’t thank God for it.

At the shower, the host announced that there was a set of cards with instructions to give advice to Grayson as she heads into marriage. Once I got over the who am I to give anyone advice thoughts, I wrote half the advice that I had in mind, which is to not feel guilty about pursuing hobbies.

For more than the first year of Cub’s life, I didn’t let myself think about anything other than him. I thought that it made me selfish or a bad mother, and it took more than that first year for me to realize that outside interests invigorated me and made me a better mother.

But I was thinking about another piece of advice the whole time. If you’re married, you know what it is.

Just look at the beautiful angel princess bride!

No one wants to tell the doe-eyed almost newlyweds that they will one day find themselves hating their spouse. You probably wouldn’t be about to get married if you realized that day would come. After all, you spend so many years dating different people to avoid that very mistake.

Thankfully, other people brought it up in a way that was eloquent and appropriate. My friend Nicole said that someone who did her premarital counseling said, “Commit to commitment.”

You don’t commit to the feeling of love or to the dreams that you have. You commit to the idea of sticking it out through thick and thin in your marriage because that’s what commitment means.

Once the topic had been broached, I felt it was safe to share. This is what I said:

“Dark days that you cannot fathom now will come for your marriage. They did for me and my marriage to Anthony. Neither of us believed in divorce, then or now, but in my darkest moment I was resigned to spending the next 60 years miserably enduring him. Thankfully, the dark days passed. I can say that we’re now more in love than ever, but we wouldn’t have the blessed marriage that we have if we hadn’t both been committed to the idea of sticking it out through those dark days.”

Of course, leave and cleave is also appropriate here. Cleave to your spouse, not just in the good times. Even in the bad times, you are still now one flesh in the eyes of the Lord.

So there it is. Advice about fun date nights and all of the things we look forward to in marriage is also applicable, of course. But this sobering reality, I believe, is more important.

Thankfully, Anthony and I had a supportive network that surrounded us during our difficult times and gave us godly counsel. While I was committed to staying in the marriage no matter what, having people who had been through the wringer in their own marriages and come out the other side helped me to have faith that the same was possible for us.

Ok, that’s it for today, tender friends! I actually have a lot more to say on this topic, but that’s probably enough for one post. Next monday, I’ll be sharing a promised recipe post. Next Thursday, I’ll be sharing my experience with God teaching me to call the things that are not as though they were in the midst of illness, and how that has changed the rest of my life. This came up in a recent conversation with a friend, and I know that it’s the Holy Spirit’s way of telling me that it’s time to share this story.

Thank you so much to the new friends, and thank you for stopping by!

Thank you for sharing!

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