How to Crush Motherhood

Hello tender friends! I’m still reflecting on love after Valentine’s Day, specifically the love I’ve always had for my girl friends- and for the past three years- the love I have for my fellow mom friends. You know how people sometimes describe a hyper masculine man as a “man’s man?” Well, I’m a girl’s girl. I have always treasured my female friendships.

At my friend Anna’s baby shower, she said her wish was to have a village to raise her baby. It’s the longing we all have, isn’t it?  At least when our focus is clear.

Above is my talented photographer and mom friend Anna. Below are bridal shower attendees. (I’m on the far right if you’re looking for me).

I don’t follow pop culture, but I know it can cloud our focus. Celebrities are being featured online and in magazines for having their “best body ever!” after giving birth. Come on. Come onnnnn. Eyeroll.

Jessie Cave was “feeling pretty good” about her abdomen at 2 weeks postpartum.  I’m not throwing shade, just puzzled how a mom has the wherewithal to snap a photo 2 weeks after the still-medieval experience of giving birth.  

Are celebrity moms crushing it?  I don’t know.  For the sake of the future, I hope they find time to be attentive to their offspring while maintaining their physical appearance.  Maybe wealth makes motherhood easier. Maybe not.

Fortunately, godly motherhood doesn’t require millions. It also doesn’t require a hot body.

During pregnancy, people often complimented me on being “all baby” and remarked, in a way that they believed was complimentary, that I would “bounce back so fast.”

Why do they think I care about losing the baby weight? I asked myself.  I knew they meant the comments to be flattering, but I just couldn’t manage to care about gaining weight.  (I know the spirit in which they offered their comments though, and I was-and am- grateful).

To give birth to a thriving baby, to breastfeed him, to nourish his mind and guide his spirit- those were my goals.  They still are.

This is why the village is essential.  We can’t be everything. We, as women, may receive the message that we’re supposed to be able to cook and clean and educate our children and not be exhausted. 

Perhaps we also receive the message that we’re supposed to look beautiful while doing it. 

Let’s call that out for the nonsense that it is.

Let’s stop acting like “looking like you didn’t even have a baby!” is the highest compliment a woman can receive after giving birth.

Let’s try saying, “You’re going to sow love into that baby like no one else can.”

Let’s try saying, “I would be honored to help you sow love into your baby.”

Let’s try saying, “God chose YOU for the most challenging and rewarding job there is.”

Let’s try saying, “Your child will always know that he/she is magnificent because of you.”

Let’s try saying, “What can I do to help you make your child feel cherished?”

Let’s try saying, “What can I do to make you feel cherished?”

I’ve read that the rise of technology like washing machines in developing or third-world countries has led to an increase in depression. Researchers were initially mystified. Then they realized that women were depressed because they used to talk to their friends while washing clothes at the river. Domestic tasks were performed communally and became important meeting places. These meetings disappeared when everyone could do laundry in their own home.

We’re not meant to raise our children alone. We’re not meant to do most things alone.

Even a strong extended family can’t replace the importance of community meeting spots- whether it be a park, a church, a restaurant you visit regularly, or anywhere else. While I think we, as parents, are 100% responsible for being vigilant about what we allow into our child’s life, we can’t be everything to them. They need kids their own age, and even other adults, who they know love and care for them.

We survive, and thrive, together. I love cooking with my husband, but I also love cooking when I have friends over, and helping them cook when we go to their house. I treasure watching my child interact with other adults-learn from other adults who may not view the world in the exact same way I do- because that’s important.

I love the comfort of living in an American home. But sometimes, I wish we lived with other families. We pay such a high price in loneliness for the myth of our American independence, for our American conveniences.

Because I want my village. A tight-knit, I know we can count on each other mom village.

I want to eat dinner with you. 

I want to watch my kids play with your kids. 

I want to share a cup of tea and tenderness with you.

I want to see people every day who prioritize the well-being of our children over the pursuit of the “best body ever” after giving birth.  I long for a river to wash my laundry with friends.

I want to be part of your village, and I hope you’ll be part of mine.  Because while that might not get me the “best body ever,” it will help me be the best, and godliest, mom ever.

If you are a mother or father, what is the deepest longing of your heart? Please let me know in the comments!

Thank you for sharing!

*It has been amazing to see diverse people sign up for my email updates the past few weeks! Thank you! For those of you planning your readership, I’ll be sharing a super easy and nutritious scrambled egg hack on Thursday this week. Next week I’ll have a few more posts on motherhood. I’ll have some tips for water-only fasting posts the week after that.

You’re all amazing! Be blessed, tender friends!

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