Torn Between Two Worlds

Hello, tender friends!

I feel torn between the worlds of work and motherhood.

Don’t get me wrong- I like work. I feel more competent and confident when I’m working. I like predictable input/output relationships. In my work life, I provide the input that’s expected so that a reliable output emerges.

Biblical women work, as Proverbs 31 tells us. She works with her hands making linen and flax, as one might expect. She also makes investment moves that are, in my opinion, often under discussed in the church despite the popularity of Proverbs 31. Here are some supporting verses:

She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
  

The thing that strikes me about her work is that she likely did it with the kids nearby, which one could argue is the equivalent of remote work today. But God hasn’t provided the full-time remote position that I have prayed for.

Of course, as I’ve written before, I also thought we’d have more kids by now. Mentally, my head is clearer than it has been in years. I could start a new career and do it well, but I don’t want to do it at the expense of my family.

Recently Anthony suggested that I apply for an in-person job that would require putting Jacob in after care until 6 p.m. The idea of seeing Jacob so little is a punch in the gut, but maybe this is the next step since the other things I have prayed for have not come to pass.

So that’s what I’ll be applying for, and then I’ll be leaving it in the Lord’s hands. If anyone has tips for how to balance full-time work with motherhood, I’m all ears.

Okay, that’s all for today, tender friends! Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for sharing!

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