Hello, tender friends!
Monday’s post triggered some memories for me. I feel so much gratitude that I’m not willing to sell my soul for publishing money and that God took away an opportunity that seemed perfect. The older I get, the more I’m grateful for the doors God has closed, not just the ones He has opened.
I almost worked in publishing straight out of college. Growing up where I did, many of my neighbors commuted into Manhattan for work, including one dear friend of the family who worked for a Big Five publisher. If you’re looking to get into publishing, this seems like a dream come true, right?
Well, my neighbor and I walked around the city one day shortly before I graduated, visiting the neighborhood she used to live in, eating sushi and spending time with people in the business. I sat in on a real live editing session and geeked out silently during it . During the session, I was the only person who realized we used the British spelling of “catalogue” when the rest of the spelling was American in the piece that we were editing. This stunned me so much that I almost didn’t say anything, convinced I must be wrong.
With my heart beating in my ears, I spoke up.
“That was a good catch,” my neighbor nodded approvingly when I pointed it out. I was relieved to have made her proud after the risk she was taking for me. My crippling imposter syndrome subsided for a moment, and I thought that I perhaps had something to offer the publishing world.
My neighbor sold me hard to human resources and upper level management (oh yeah, and she was upper level management herself). All I had to do was drop my resume off and not choke. It seemed so simple. Smooth sailing up ahead.
But you know what happened. I choked. Like I’d tried swallow an entire Thanksgiving dinner in one bite.
The person at human resources asked me what department I was applying to and I went mute. My mind went blank. I couldn’t get the word “editing” out.
My neighbor graciously stepped in after 10 of the slowest seconds of my life. My cheeks flamed. Why was I was unable to speak? I’m trying to get a job in publishing and appear deaf and dumb right now. The person in human resources accepted my resume, politely blase, but I knew already that no one would call me for an interview.
All the inside connections I’d made that day, the real life editing session that I’d sat in on, the sushi I’d eaten with a group of people already working in the industry that made me feel like I belonged- it was all for naught.
Except for the fact that God works all things for good for those who love him. And while I didn’t understand it then, my morality was fragile. I had experienced God that year in a dramatic way, and I had a sincere desire to know God better, but I didn’t know what it meant to follow God.
My desire to fit in and appear sophisticated with a certain set of humanity made my personality malleable in a way that I couldn’t recognize until I grew out of it. My faith was sincere, but it was not founded on rock.
God knew how easily I could be swayed, and in his mercy, that job opportunity evaporated.
Many other job opportunities also evaporated at that time. It has been a long road, but I increasingly understand why. I’m going to be super blunt here: I think I may have sold out to fit in if God had allowed me to excel in the publishing industry at that period of my life.
If you have followed any sort of publishing trends you know that publishing favors a godless agenda. God saved me from being part of that.
Retaining creative freedom is especially important as a Christian. They want to own you. I’m so grateful that God didn’t allow that at a time when I might have.
Ok, that’s all for today, tender friends! Thank you for stopping by. I’ll be sharing a fall food post on Monday! I actually have a third part to this series planned in my head, but I’m not sure if there’s interest in this kind of topic or not. Let me know if it’s worth reading about in the comments if you’re so inclined!
Thank you for sharing!
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tea and tenderness 
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