Hello, tender friends!
Yes, that volunteer T-shirt is huge. But this week has been a blast and a blessing. The theme for VBS, wrapping up tomorrow, is Twists & Turns.
“Want to put my tender heart in a blender/
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion”
Eve 6 came out with those lyrics to Inside Out in 1998. When my boyfriend broke up with me in 1999, I listened to it on repeat. I was 14, and my first “real” boyfriend was 16. He moved on to a girl in his own grade, and I resonated with the whole heart in a blender feeling. I didn’t want my heart in that blender, but I stood there, powerless, watching it spin.
I watched my heart go around and around as my friends reported to me places they’d seen my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend together.
It’s a funny thing though – all those dramatic descriptions of adolescent love also apply to meeting Jesus. Even though I’ve been going to church for over 10 years now, I still regularly cry during Sunday services. And the feeling is still kind of the same as it was when I was a young teenager dating: please God, love me back. My tender heart can’t handle any rejection.
God, knowing this, has used this week teaching VBS to turn my heart into a beautiful oblivion. Am I tired after four days of teaching 5-6 year olds at VBS? Yes. But has it been worth it? Absolutely.
So even though I have been taking care of kids in kindergarten this week, The Holy Spirit has been showing me what a child I am. And I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way.
The games at VBS aren’t just for the kids.
One of the games on Monday was an outdoor version of “Go Fish” with toys instead of cards. Every group had a pool noodle, a blow up toy, an orange cone, and other items. The objective was to collect an entire set of whatever your team had been assigned. If none of the other groups had the item you were seeking, you had to “go fish” in the center where a set of items sat.
The Jesus connection was this: we can bring our specific requests to God because he already knows what we’re going to ask for.
Cue the waterworks. (And that group leader saying, “Friends, Miss Stacey needs a hug. Can you give her a hug?)
Even on here, I always hesitate to talk about God giving us financial or material blessings. I have heard so many warnings about getting sucked into prosperity gospel.
Maybe it’s the Polish immigrant mentality or just the culture that dominated where I grew up, but generally speaking, my siblings and I knew not to ask for things. We knew we were entitled to nothing.
When I became Christian, many people I love and respect told me God told them not to ask him for any material blessings. I don’t doubt their stories one bit, but that’s just not the message the Holy Spirit has been sending me for approximately the past 6 months.
So many times, approaching the throne timidly to make a request, God has answered me as clearly as if He were in the room, “Why wouldn’t I want that for you?” (Direct quote from Yahweh right there).
I don’t want to make God sound like a genie, but his meaning was clear: he wants me to ask for His provision. My agonizing, “God, only if you want, and it’s ok if you say no, and really I’m so sorry I even have to ask, and really, I’m sorry to bother you while people are literally starving and I’ve never gone without food or shelter” routine isn’t necessary. I don’t feel deserving, but that feeling of not deserving something isn’t from Him.
I signed up to be one of the VBS teachers more or less with the attitude that it’s what I should do. It’s only right to give back something to a church that has given me so much, right?
But God ends always ends up ministering to me in these situations. It sounds cliché, but he always gives me back more than I could ever pour out. He never tires of healing my heart.
This week it has been, “I love you, and I am happy to fulfill your needs.”
No shame that I can’t do it myself. Just a reminder that it’s ok to keep asking. Just grace like rain and the love that swirls around me like a beautiful oblivion.
Ok, that’s it for today, friends! Thank you for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing!
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